It hits when you least expect it,
And causes confusion.
Then it overcomes your whole being with no warning.
Denial will only draw you deeper.
Without that presence it makes you feel anxious.
It can be momentarily put away slightly with distractions.
With that presence it puts you at ease.
But it can't be tamed or controlled.
Acceptance brings on a pain that sinks deeper as time goes by.
B.T.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
puzzles that lead to more confusion
Let's see. Summer break flew by. More than half of my final college year has gone by. Winter break went by quickly followed by New Years and now CNY is here. So much has happened I can't quite comprehend.
All I know now is how much God has been there for me throughout my life even when I can't quite see it or even when I doubt it myself. It took me 21 years, a group of people who are passionate about God, and a series of events for it to finally hit me so hard I couldn't help myself and for the first time had willingly given up control over my life.
After that it has just been a road of struggles, coming out of my bubble, and new experiences. It is simply so amazing to witness what He does to one's life when we let Him chisel us. I'm not saying it is all flowers blooming and rainbows. There will be tiny to severe turbulence caused by the enemy usually but hey there's nothing God can't help us overcome.
Anyways, there obviously is a reason I am having trouble with sleeping and I guess this seemed like a good enough distraction rather than tossing and turning aimlessly while my brain goes on overdrive.
It is just brilliant when there's something that is overly puzzling and even when you have a certain conclusion to it, it brings up more confusing things. That's probably why I needed a distraction. It simply isn't going anywhere. Rantings ftw.
Well then, onto onto another distraction. Tataz.
B.T.
All I know now is how much God has been there for me throughout my life even when I can't quite see it or even when I doubt it myself. It took me 21 years, a group of people who are passionate about God, and a series of events for it to finally hit me so hard I couldn't help myself and for the first time had willingly given up control over my life.
After that it has just been a road of struggles, coming out of my bubble, and new experiences. It is simply so amazing to witness what He does to one's life when we let Him chisel us. I'm not saying it is all flowers blooming and rainbows. There will be tiny to severe turbulence caused by the enemy usually but hey there's nothing God can't help us overcome.
Anyways, there obviously is a reason I am having trouble with sleeping and I guess this seemed like a good enough distraction rather than tossing and turning aimlessly while my brain goes on overdrive.
It is just brilliant when there's something that is overly puzzling and even when you have a certain conclusion to it, it brings up more confusing things. That's probably why I needed a distraction. It simply isn't going anywhere. Rantings ftw.
Well then, onto onto another distraction. Tataz.
B.T.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
expression...
Can't ever find the right words to say. Even when I've found the right words to say I loose my voice and turn mute. All I could do is smile. No words could describe how I envy those who could express themselves so freely that easily, like breathing air. What could I possibly be afraid of or what exactly is holding me back? I still haven't found the answer.
- BT -
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
realization...
Like expected, I couldn't keep up with my posts. Things happen and I just get carried away with it. Happens all the time and I would forget all about it until I just want to distract myself with something.
So obviously the hectic semester ended and I barely survived it. Celebration followed, parted ways with a roommate for almost 2yrs, found and moved to a new place with new roommates, met awesome people before heading back to Malaysia for a visit, then before I knew it I'm back here celebrating Canada's Day with friends. The way the time passes is making me think too much about things I shouldn't have to worry about. Will leave the conclusion at that.
Sleepiness is distracting me now. Laters.
So obviously the hectic semester ended and I barely survived it. Celebration followed, parted ways with a roommate for almost 2yrs, found and moved to a new place with new roommates, met awesome people before heading back to Malaysia for a visit, then before I knew it I'm back here celebrating Canada's Day with friends. The way the time passes is making me think too much about things I shouldn't have to worry about. Will leave the conclusion at that.
Sleepiness is distracting me now. Laters.
- BT -
Monday, February 20, 2012
week 5 & 6...
My cold continued on in week 5 and it didn't get any better until sometime in week 6. School work is peaking which explains the slow/late update.
Week 7 is gonna be hell but it'll be worth it when week 8, study break, arrives. My roommate/friend and I have signed up for a French Canada trip for 4 nights and 3 days to Montreal, Quebec City, and Ottawa. We'll also be touring the Ice Hotel. It's gonna be LEGEND-wait for it-DARY! ^_< and it's also the only thing keeping my head up right now.
Well it's short but I really have to continue with my assignments.
Signing out.
- BT -
Monday, February 6, 2012
the bad kind of roller coaster...
It's way past bedtime, burning over midnight oil to get assignments done for it's due date. Yet, after completion and tucked nicely into bed, I feel so restless that it's uncomfortable to lay still. So I decided to write in for what's suppose to be due for last week.
.
.
.
Had been sick for the entire past week. Totally awful timing since there was projects due and so I took cold pills, marched to classes, got stuff done, and took part in a group presentation for our cuisine. It was a horrible week.
Barely recovered on Saturday and had a celebration that evening for one of my roommate since her birthday was within the a couple days. By the end of that awesome night I was sneezing like there was no tomorrow.
It was probably because we were standing in line for over half an hour outside, trying to get into a nightclub we were thinking of checking out. In the end, we switched to another one which didn't have a line. It was an awesome night nonetheless, which came with a prize for me, my nose starting another marathon.
.
.
.
This seems to have dissolved my restlessness quite a bit. Should probably try sleeping now. Nights.
.
.
.
Had been sick for the entire past week. Totally awful timing since there was projects due and so I took cold pills, marched to classes, got stuff done, and took part in a group presentation for our cuisine. It was a horrible week.
Barely recovered on Saturday and had a celebration that evening for one of my roommate since her birthday was within the a couple days. By the end of that awesome night I was sneezing like there was no tomorrow.
It was probably because we were standing in line for over half an hour outside, trying to get into a nightclub we were thinking of checking out. In the end, we switched to another one which didn't have a line. It was an awesome night nonetheless, which came with a prize for me, my nose starting another marathon.
.
.
.
This seems to have dissolved my restlessness quite a bit. Should probably try sleeping now. Nights.
- BT -
Sunday, January 29, 2012
week 3...
It's been a hell of a busy week with a pinch of crazy.
MONDAY:
Started slow.
AutoCad class starts at 3PM.
TUESDAY:
Three classes from 9AM to 5ishPM.
Ended the day with friends having meatball, nachos, wine, taboo and a movie.
WEDNESDAY:
Finished a French assignment and studied 2 hours before class.
French quiz at 11AM.
Visited the site for the restaurant from 2PM to 3/4ishPM?
Made new friends? and got hammered the night till Thursday morning.
THURSDAY:
Zombied through an 8AM Building Code class and the rest of the day.
FRIDAY:
French class at 8AM to 9ishAM.
Went to a Chinese buffet with S.
Went over to SnB's place with S for more taboo, wine, and movie.
SATURDAY:
Photo-shoot in the afternoon for S.
Group project in the evening.
SUNDAY:
Woke up to a horrible sore throat, aches, and migraine.
Did laundry.
Continued working on the group project.
There's the short summary. Highlight of the week was probably Wednesday night. One of the silliest decisions ever, getting drunk on a school night. Which gave birth to yet another stupid idea when drunk, trying to puke into a shot cup at the school bar. It was a long, long night. Made an embarrassing but funny story though. LOL.
Anyways, the train to dreamland is here. Au revoir!
MONDAY:
Started slow.
AutoCad class starts at 3PM.
TUESDAY:
Three classes from 9AM to 5ishPM.
Ended the day with friends having meatball, nachos, wine, taboo and a movie.
WEDNESDAY:
Finished a French assignment and studied 2 hours before class.
French quiz at 11AM.
Visited the site for the restaurant from 2PM to 3/4ishPM?
Made new friends? and got hammered the night till Thursday morning.
THURSDAY:
Zombied through an 8AM Building Code class and the rest of the day.
FRIDAY:
French class at 8AM to 9ishAM.
Went to a Chinese buffet with S.
Went over to SnB's place with S for more taboo, wine, and movie.
SATURDAY:
Photo-shoot in the afternoon for S.
Group project in the evening.
SUNDAY:
Woke up to a horrible sore throat, aches, and migraine.
Did laundry.
Continued working on the group project.
There's the short summary. Highlight of the week was probably Wednesday night. One of the silliest decisions ever, getting drunk on a school night. Which gave birth to yet another stupid idea when drunk, trying to puke into a shot cup at the school bar. It was a long, long night. Made an embarrassing but funny story though. LOL.
Anyways, the train to dreamland is here. Au revoir!
- BT -
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
butterflies?
This is something I don't really miss. Sometimes it's good but most of the time just annoying. Worse part is it comes and goes as it wishes.
Since last night? it's been bugging me and it just got worse today as it gets closer to tonight. Messing with my nap and then my appetite. Please just go already.
Sincerely.
Since last night? it's been bugging me and it just got worse today as it gets closer to tonight. Messing with my nap and then my appetite. Please just go already.
Sincerely.
- BT -
Friday, January 20, 2012
week 2...
Woken up from a nap that barely started. Got a call to cancel my shift tonight which made me happy for a second but an unsettled feeling hit me right after. It just felt weird but after thinking about it I really shouldn't be worried. I'm probably just over-thinking it.
.
.
.
Hmm..nothing much new in college this week. Just minor progressions, had a new member joining our culture team, and had an interview with some people from the restaurant we're about to redesign.
Next week might be more interesting since I'm going to the site with the second group to get a feel of the place and get some missing measurements that the first group left out.
Oh and I'm going to Orillia tomorrow to visit a close friend which would be fun. Then maybe going ice skating at a sweet couple's backyard sunday afternoon. Which my roommate and I met from church. Excited for the weekend already!
.
.
.
Pretty short update this week. Anyways, going downtown soon to get my tongue stud changed. Oh yes, I got a tongue piercing the first monday after the fall term ended in December 2011. Wanna know why? Well, tune in next week! lol
Laters!
.
.
.
Hmm..nothing much new in college this week. Just minor progressions, had a new member joining our culture team, and had an interview with some people from the restaurant we're about to redesign.
Next week might be more interesting since I'm going to the site with the second group to get a feel of the place and get some missing measurements that the first group left out.
Oh and I'm going to Orillia tomorrow to visit a close friend which would be fun. Then maybe going ice skating at a sweet couple's backyard sunday afternoon. Which my roommate and I met from church. Excited for the weekend already!
.
.
.
Pretty short update this week. Anyways, going downtown soon to get my tongue stud changed. Oh yes, I got a tongue piercing the first monday after the fall term ended in December 2011. Wanna know why? Well, tune in next week! lol
Laters!
- BT -
Friday, January 13, 2012
bonjour!
Comment allez-vous?
So French class has officially started and I'm thrilled! That was the only 8am class I can remember not yawning in! That's how thrilled I am!
I kno I'm suppose to be more excited about my major courses but this gen ed course has beaten the rest into pulp? I have no idea if I might have a thing for language or it's just my interest in new experiences? Go figure. But I'm totally looking forward to next week's French classes!
Alrights, besides my over-excitement of French, the first week of classes had left me a long list of assignments due next week.
Oh JOY!
But wait! There's more!
So this term we're basically designing a restaurant. Like before there would be an actual site, in this case a building, which would serve as the location on which our design would be installed.
Then we had to pick a culture that would be our restaurant's cuisine and it was done in groups of three. Initially, I wanted to get Japanese but it was based on a lucky draw to determine who gets to pick first and I ended up with Indian. Which is not too bad. It has a lot of character I can work with.
The research part of this is done as a team and we began our research by visiting two indian restaurants downtown, feasting, taking photos and asking questions. It was the yummiest project ever! And somehow the food reminded me of home far away. It was nice.
So that's the highlights of this week!
(Well, technically only the weekdays)
Tune in next week fo more! =D
So French class has officially started and I'm thrilled! That was the only 8am class I can remember not yawning in! That's how thrilled I am!
I kno I'm suppose to be more excited about my major courses but this gen ed course has beaten the rest into pulp? I have no idea if I might have a thing for language or it's just my interest in new experiences? Go figure. But I'm totally looking forward to next week's French classes!
Alrights, besides my over-excitement of French, the first week of classes had left me a long list of assignments due next week.
Oh JOY!
But wait! There's more!
So this term we're basically designing a restaurant. Like before there would be an actual site, in this case a building, which would serve as the location on which our design would be installed.
Then we had to pick a culture that would be our restaurant's cuisine and it was done in groups of three. Initially, I wanted to get Japanese but it was based on a lucky draw to determine who gets to pick first and I ended up with Indian. Which is not too bad. It has a lot of character I can work with.
The research part of this is done as a team and we began our research by visiting two indian restaurants downtown, feasting, taking photos and asking questions. It was the yummiest project ever! And somehow the food reminded me of home far away. It was nice.
So that's the highlights of this week!
(Well, technically only the weekdays)
Tune in next week fo more! =D
- BT -
Sunday, January 8, 2012
new year resolutions...
02.22AM
I guess my 4th term would start in about 12ish hours. Yay me. *With a hint of sarcasm* Don't get me wrong I love my program and I can't wait to see my classmates but I'm not looking forward to diving into 15 weeks (minus 1 for study week) of an endless string of mountains of assignments that absolutely pushes aside your social life and keeps you from sufficient sleep. No kidding. Oh wells, there's only 3 out of 6 terms to go.
.
.
.
Alrights, so I've started making a list of new year resolutions, the other night, for the first time in my life if I remembered correctly. I'm still working and adding to it but will try with 10 goals? One of em would be to update this blog at least once a week. Got that idea after noticing how there's only 8 entries in 2011. That is just sad no? So all the best to me? lol.
Time to get some shut eye.
I guess my 4th term would start in about 12ish hours. Yay me. *With a hint of sarcasm* Don't get me wrong I love my program and I can't wait to see my classmates but I'm not looking forward to diving into 15 weeks (minus 1 for study week) of an endless string of mountains of assignments that absolutely pushes aside your social life and keeps you from sufficient sleep. No kidding. Oh wells, there's only 3 out of 6 terms to go.
.
.
.
Alrights, so I've started making a list of new year resolutions, the other night, for the first time in my life if I remembered correctly. I'm still working and adding to it but will try with 10 goals? One of em would be to update this blog at least once a week. Got that idea after noticing how there's only 8 entries in 2011. That is just sad no? So all the best to me? lol.
Time to get some shut eye.
- BT -
Friday, January 6, 2012
eenie meenie miney mo...
So the surprise farewell party I planned for my very awesome friend started out kinda scratched? thanks to a certain person's cellphone ringing a funky tune before we shouted surprise! but we ate, drank, danced, cam-whored, and had a snow fight so it was still a blast!
.
.
.
Hmmm..and that complication doesn't seem any clearer. In case you're wondering that complication is a triangle. Go figure. It's still at an early stage? So I'm not too worried about it just yet but it's just not getting of my mind. It's flattering? but it bugs me too. lol.
Anyways, signing out.
.
.
.
Hmmm..and that complication doesn't seem any clearer. In case you're wondering that complication is a triangle. Go figure. It's still at an early stage? So I'm not too worried about it just yet but it's just not getting of my mind. It's flattering? but it bugs me too. lol.
Anyways, signing out.
- BT -
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
2012
It's 3.33am of the 3rd day of January, 2012.
Can't believe another year has gone by just like that.
Spent New Year's Eve partying and the next day recovering? Then it snowed the whole day on the 2nd but ended up buying liquor and drinking with my roommates. Gotta love em.
Something kept me up for sure after turning sober. Starting a new year with such complications. Got me thinking but I should probably just not think too much and go with the flow then see where it takes me. For now I should just enjoy the last few days I have left before school starts again and getting too busy for anything else.
Hmmm..it's time to retire to bed.
Can't believe another year has gone by just like that.
Spent New Year's Eve partying and the next day recovering? Then it snowed the whole day on the 2nd but ended up buying liquor and drinking with my roommates. Gotta love em.
Something kept me up for sure after turning sober. Starting a new year with such complications. Got me thinking but I should probably just not think too much and go with the flow then see where it takes me. For now I should just enjoy the last few days I have left before school starts again and getting too busy for anything else.
Hmmm..it's time to retire to bed.
- BT -
another brand new experience...
DAY 1.
07.07.10
Excited but nervous was I during the bus ride to work that very 1st day. More information was fed to my brain and needless to say the amount was much more than the space available. However, after 8hours my hands were well used, my feet was sore, but I was looking forward to the next day.
DAY 2.
08.07.10
Trained to be a cashier. Dealing with customers and their money is a serious business which brought some fear in the beginning. However, it became easier each time and soon felt as comfortable as a routine. I went home with tired but happy.
DAY 3.
09.07.10.
Still a little out of place but learned more with guidance.
DAY 4.
11.07.10
It's starting to seem like a familiar routine which is nice.
Got too busy and stopped keeping track but I'm gonna post this anyways.
- B -
Monday, June 27, 2011
job orientation...
Both days went well.
Learned plenty of new things, got a load of information, and can't wait to get started!
Learned plenty of new things, got a load of information, and can't wait to get started!
- B -
Thursday, June 16, 2011
love, joy, peace...
It's been awhile for me to hit myself on my head for not being able to find more words to say, smile to myself thinking of someone, and felt happy just seeing someone even if it's just for a few seconds.
It's annoying but nice.
.
.
.
13th June 2011. Was the day I received a call for my very first job offer. Needless to say, I was beyond just happy.
Can't wait to begin another new experience.
.
.
.
Finally relieved.
It's annoying but nice.
.
.
.
13th June 2011. Was the day I received a call for my very first job offer. Needless to say, I was beyond just happy.
Can't wait to begin another new experience.
.
.
.
Finally relieved.
- B -
adrenaline rush...
It's the end of May..well, almost the end of May and I'm still jobless. Still hunting and applying for jobs while enjoying myself a little. Well, it's a break after-all.
Been watching movies, rock climbing, and going on a trip to the Canada's Wonderland.
The Wonderland trip was amazing! Tried all the craziest rides even the sky-flyer that I've always wanted to go on. Me and my friend laughed like crazy while hearing others scream their heads off. Though they're freaking scary, they're freaking awesome too. Sure got my fill of adrenaline rush.
The Wonderland trip was amazing! Tried all the craziest rides even the sky-flyer that I've always wanted to go on. Me and my friend laughed like crazy while hearing others scream their heads off. Though they're freaking scary, they're freaking awesome too. Sure got my fill of adrenaline rush.
- B -
Monday, May 2, 2011
summer break..new roommate..?
YES, summer break has finally ARIVEEED~ ^.^
FIRST, was relieved that the first year of college is finally over!
SECOND, need to catch up on lost sleep!
THIRD, need to get a job, pronto!
FOURTH, need to clean up room!
LASTLY, I'm starting to get bored of staying at home...
Sooo~ been sleeping and playing for the first half last week, then running around looking for jobs and giving out resumes during the second half. Which brings me to the second week. Church and grocery on Sunday. Some cleaning and laundry today, and now it's 5 minutes to Tuesday.
Honestly, I need a job ASAP. Not only because I need the experience and extra money, but I'm going to get dead bored staying at home [period]
Oh yes, I got an unexpected company today when I woke up at 1pm? A NEW ROOMMATE. Definitely did not expect it. By the way, all five roommates are gone, three moved out and two officially MIA. Conclusion, the unit was all to myself. That is until today.
Was kind of unsure what I thought of it when I saw her, but I hope it might be for the better. So far we get along but we have our differences in taste? Oh well, can't expect too much on day one.
Signing out.
FIRST, was relieved that the first year of college is finally over!
SECOND, need to catch up on lost sleep!
THIRD, need to get a job, pronto!
FOURTH, need to clean up room!
LASTLY, I'm starting to get bored of staying at home...
Sooo~ been sleeping and playing for the first half last week, then running around looking for jobs and giving out resumes during the second half. Which brings me to the second week. Church and grocery on Sunday. Some cleaning and laundry today, and now it's 5 minutes to Tuesday.
Honestly, I need a job ASAP. Not only because I need the experience and extra money, but I'm going to get dead bored staying at home [period]
Oh yes, I got an unexpected company today when I woke up at 1pm? A NEW ROOMMATE. Definitely did not expect it. By the way, all five roommates are gone, three moved out and two officially MIA. Conclusion, the unit was all to myself. That is until today.
Was kind of unsure what I thought of it when I saw her, but I hope it might be for the better. So far we get along but we have our differences in taste? Oh well, can't expect too much on day one.
Signing out.
- B -
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
void...
There's a small empty hole.
It is forgotten or pushed away when the mind is occupied. However, it seizes every opportunity to resurface every time the mind relaxes or rests.
It is neither painful nor painless, it has not been located,
its solution is unknown.
- B -
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
spring has arrived but winter is not planning on giving up the seat just yet...
Just when I thought my winter jacket would not be needed soon, it started snowing. Sure, it's all pretty outside but the wind will send you shivering even in a winter coat. Lol. However, I liked it.
.
.
.
Today, was a typical, busy Wednesday. Getting to class not fully awake with lack of sleep. However, today's color theory class was replaced with a field-trip to a local design company. It was a GREAT eye opener. I couldn't help but get motivated and encouraged. That made today more interesting.
.
.
.
Right now I'm just juggling between the workload, getting work permit, searching for summer jobs, looking into houses for rent, and a social life. If only there was a medicine for time management, my life would be more organized. However, old habits die hard.
.
.
.
Signing out.
- B -
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