what is it?

It hits when you least expect it,
And causes confusion.

Then it overcomes your whole being with no warning.

Denial will only draw you deeper.

Without that presence it makes you feel anxious.
It can be momentarily put away slightly with distractions.
With that presence it puts you at ease.
But it can't be tamed or controlled.

Acceptance brings on a pain that sinks deeper as time goes by.

B.T.

puzzles that lead to more confusion

Let's see. Summer break flew by. More than half of my final college year has gone by. Winter break went by quickly followed by New Years and now CNY is here. So much has happened I can't quite comprehend.

All I know now is how much God has been there for me throughout my life even when I can't quite see it or even when I doubt it myself. It took me 21 years, a group of people who are passionate about God, and a series of events for it to finally hit me so hard I couldn't help myself and for the first time had willingly given up control over my life.

After that it has just been a road of struggles, coming out of my bubble, and new experiences. It is simply so amazing to witness what He does to one's life when we let Him chisel us. I'm not saying it is all flowers blooming and rainbows. There will be tiny to severe turbulence caused by the enemy usually but hey there's nothing God can't help us overcome.

Anyways, there obviously is a reason I am having trouble with sleeping and I guess this seemed like a good enough distraction rather than tossing and turning aimlessly while my brain goes on overdrive.

It is just brilliant when there's something that is overly puzzling and even when you have a certain conclusion to it, it brings up more  confusing things. That's probably why I needed a distraction. It simply isn't going anywhere. Rantings ftw.

Well then, onto onto another distraction. Tataz.


B.T.

expression...

Can't ever find the right words to say.  Even when I've found the right words to say I loose my voice and turn mute.  All I could do is smile.  No words could describe how I envy those who could express themselves so freely that easily, like breathing air.  What could I possibly be afraid of or what exactly is holding me back?  I still haven't found the answer.

- BT -

realization...

Like expected, I couldn't keep up with my posts. Things happen and I just get carried away with it. Happens all the time and I would forget all about it until I just want to distract myself with something.

So obviously the hectic semester ended and I barely survived it. Celebration followed, parted ways with a roommate for almost 2yrs, found and moved to a new place with new roommates, met awesome people before heading back to Malaysia for a visit, then before I knew it I'm back here celebrating Canada's Day with friends. The way the time passes is making me think too much about things I shouldn't have to worry about. Will leave the conclusion at that.

Sleepiness is distracting me now. Laters.

- BT -

week 5 & 6...

My cold continued on in week 5 and it didn't get any better until sometime in week 6.  School work is peaking which explains the slow/late update.  

Week 7 is gonna be hell but it'll be worth it when week 8, study break, arrives.  My roommate/friend and I have signed up for a French Canada trip for 4 nights and 3 days to Montreal, Quebec City, and Ottawa.  We'll also be touring the Ice Hotel.  It's gonna be LEGEND-wait for it-DARY! ^_< and it's also the only thing keeping my head up right now.

Well it's short but I really have to continue with my assignments.

Signing out.

- BT -